Thus I Find Myself a Broad
by lyretelosxiii
Summary: I'm a 20-somthing otaku, who's found himself drinking his sorrows down like a pirate. When i meet a certain someone, my entire life gets hit in the face with a tennis racket. And So, my adventure to not die while getting laid in the process begins. P.S. Help me.
1. In which I find a Fairy

I sigh, gulping down another shot of whiskey. It burned its way down my throat, and landed with the other four shots I've had. Light jazz played behind me, soothing the headache raging around in my head. Taking a long and large intake of oxygen, I check my phone. 11:23. Placing the square object back into my pocket. I tapped the top of the bar, signaling the bartender to hit me with another drink. From the corner of my eye I see the drink sliding down the table, swiftly I grab the drink and sip it; smiling as the nectar fills my stomach.

I'm not the kind of person who drinks, hell, I haven't been to a bar in a couple of years. But, today I had to drown my sorrows with hard alcohol. Somehow, I got myself kicked out of my artists circle and job in the same day. Good going me. Apparently, my art was 'not to standard'. But, in truth at events I sold more prints than any of them. Jelly bastards. I took another long chug of beer, sighing.

"Hey, stud!" I raise my eyebrow as a voice call out to me, or at least I think it's me. A part of me thinks that she is talking to someone else but the tapping on my shoulder says otherwise.

As I spin around in the bar stool, quietly I ask, "Who, me?" pointing a finger at myself.

The girl who, somehow, thinks I'm a 'stud'. She was surprisingly very pretty. She was a brunette with emerald green eyes, staring at me patently. She wore a red dress with black trimming that ended near her knees. She was smiling, slightly amused at my question. She snickered, "Yea, you. Who else could I be talking to?" She said, playfully punching my shoulder.

I look around, "Uhh…I don't know, maybe you were talking to Hobo Steve." I flick my thumb over at he dirty middle aged man in the back of the bar.

The brunette laughed, "No, silly. I wanna talk to you!" she sputtered out between laughs. "I'm Kyu by the way."

"Kyu? That's Japanese, Right?" I voiced the thought streaming though my head.

Kyu placed a finger on her chin, looking at the ceiling. "I guess it is…Huh. Never really thought about it before." She tried mumbling quietly, but failed. She snapped her head back down, looking back at me again. "So…you gonna tell me you name, stud?" She asked, bringing the conversation back to the original topic.

"Shit! Sorry." I say rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly, "Names Orpheus. I'm not really used to the whole…uhh…talking to girls…thing…"

"Well you're talking to one now!" Kyu leaned in closer, making the blood in my body rush to…the wrong places, and whispered. "And by the way the hobo joke was a good start."

Feeling the heat in my face, I stumble on my own words. "T-thanks…I guess?" I guess she's right. That hobo joke wasn't what I'd ever start off with a girl, ever. Kyu somehow makes me feel, relaxed around her. I just feel at ease around her.

Kyu sat down on the seat on my left, and rested her elbows on the bar top; she was facing me with her shining green eyes. She looked at me for a little while longer, nodded to her self, and then started to mumble incoherently to herself.

Suddenly, she jumped up and out of her seat. Surprising me enough to almost knock the drink out of my hands. Kyu grabbed my shoulders and nearly pushed me off of my seat, "It's your lucky day, bub. You're gonna be seeing a lot more of me, but right now, I've gotta go." She pulled me close, pushing her chest against mine, and lightly kissed me on the cheek. I blinked a couple of times in surprise, and when I came back to my senses she was gone.

Luca, the bartender, chuckled warmly as he cleaned a shot glass. "So you've finally worked your charms on a girl, boy" he set down the glass gently, "Good work."

I flicked my body over to the bar, "Hey! Old man, I'll have you know that…" I paused. "Shit, never mind." In silence, I placed money on the counter and left as Old Man Luca laughed behind me.

* * *

"Hey, sleepyhead, wake up. We've got work to do." Huh? Who the hell is calling me at, I open my right eye and peek at my alarm clock, 3:28 AM? Reluctantly I pick up my phone, turn it off, and flop back into bed. "I said, Get Up!" I felt the covers rip of of my body, and the freezing cold air wrap my body instead.

Almost instantly, I jumped out of bed trying to find something to wrap my three-fourths naked body with. "Holy shit! Blanket, where the hell's the blanket?"

"Look over here stud." What. I look to my left and there in the window is a pink haired girl with multi colored translucent butterfly wings holding my sheets. I repeat, What. The girl in the window as previously stated has wings. Plus, she gets bonus points for only wearing pink skimpy underwear, with a translucent over dress that only went down to her panties.

I steeled my gaze, "Who are you, and how the hell did you get into my apartment?" The winged girl looked a bit taken back at my response, but caught herself and got back her smug expression.

"You don't recognize this adorable face?" She said faking looking hurt. So I answered honestly.

"Nope." Now she actually does look hurt. Crap, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

"It's me. Kyu, from the bar!"

"But, she had brown hair and…no wings." I said cocking my head in confusion. 'Kyu' smirked.

"Yea…I can change my hair color to anything I want. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Yea, I guess. But it still doesn't explain the wings or why the hell you're here." Man, give me a straight answer already.

Kyu walked over to me and placed a finger on my chest, "I here to help you," she poked my chest, "get some ladies." What.

"You serious?" Why in the hell would anyone perform some sort of bachelor service, as a butterfly person, for someone you've just met.

"Yup." I choked on my own saliva, from her quick response.

"Ok, so what's the catch?" She groaned.

"What's with all the questions!? Can't a sister just help a brother get some chicks?"

I smirked, "No. It just seems too…sketchy, ya know?" Seriously, who would buy this crap?

She pointed at me, "True. Buuuut…" she spun around on the balls of her feet. "I've got a special offer for you."

I looked at her quizzically, "What kind of deal?" An eager smile spread across her face.

"Well, if you accept, you will be my greatest achievement yet." I rolled my eyes.

"Gee, thanks Kyu." She sighed in annoyance. "I'll listen to your offer, but first, what the hell are you?"

She smirked and posed, "Well, I'm a fairy. More specifically a Love Fairy. I work for a love goddess, and help out saps like you out with the ladies. And just so you know, I have a very impressive tract record. All of my previous clients are basically walking babe magnets." Kyu explained, spewing more terms that broke my sense of reality and gabbing about herself

"Your serious aren't you?" I asked, subconsciously knowing the answer would be.

"Yup!"

"So what's the catch?" I asked, nothing this far out could actually be free and not have a bad side.

She groaned, "First off, you have three choices. It's kind of like a lottery, in a way."

"What does it determine?" I asked, turning my head slightly.

"What type of girls will be attracted to you." What.

"Why does that even matter?" I asked, trying to regain my composure.

She sighed and shrugged, "Honestly, I have no idea. My boss just told me to give my next client one of these things."

Kyu held out three boxes, all looking the same. She smiled, and presented them to me.

"Choose."

What the hell could be in those boxes. Hell she's a fairy, a girl could be in there. Left, Right, or middle?

"I guess, this one." I grabbed the one on the left, and opened the box. Inside was a necklace. It wasn't too fancy, average at best but I could feel something emanating from it. The necklace ripped itself from my hand and wrapped around my wrist, acting as some sort of mala or rosary. A jewel formed around the top and a bit of the chain was hanging off my arm, both tinted orange with an oroboros embedded within.

Shocked, I replied in the most eloquent way possible.

"What the Fuck is this shit?!" And that's how, I, somehow became a man-whore. Who, lived at the mercy of a pervert love fairy.

Following my scream, Kyu laughed at my expense, and sat down on my bed. Crossing her legs and, drawing my eyes to her in the dim moonlight. I was taken aback by how well the moonlight complemented her figure. I was stunned, really. Her pink luminescent blouse shined in the dim light, drawing my eyes to her near perfect body. Her stomach rose and fell as she thought of what to say next. I sly smirk always plastered on that perfectly sculpted face. Kyu, right now, was the most beautiful thing in the world for me.

Suddenly, a hand waved itself in my face, "Hey, Wakey wakey loverboy. You've got some dating to do!" I jumped a bit, and shook my head.

"Sorry, sorry. I was just…. thinking...yea, thinking. So, what do we do from here Kyu?" I said to trying to dismiss that I was just admiring her entire form. Kyu pulled a finger up to her chin in thought.

"Well, I guess we can start off with a Q&A session. I mean, I do need to some of your tastes."

I pointed a finger at her, "True." And sat down on my bed next to her, looking into her shining emerald eyes. She is going to become, basically, my wingman or whatever.

Kyu bounced gleefully, and smiled slyly again. "What kind of body type do you like? Ones with big gazongas or those flat chested peeps?" My eyes widened at how blunt her question was.

"Well, that was blunt. But I think I should expect that from you. But if your asking, I don't really care."

Kyu smiled, "Good, because that gives you, like, a bunch more options."

"I guess, but can I get some goddamn sleep Kyu?" She groaned.

"Sure, but tomorrow you and I are going to get some broads, okay?" Broads? Weird way to put it, but okay.

"One thing Kyu."

She turned her head as she started wandering around my room. "What's up?"

"Where the hell are you going to sleep?" Kyu smirked.

"With you of course!" she replied happily.

"What?" I nearly fell off of my bed. And in response she busted out laughing.

"I'm just kidding bro, I'm stealing your couch."

"Not funny, especially after you just said that I'm going to become some sort of girl magnet." I sighed, "By the way there's some extra blankets in the closet in the hallway." I said as I jumped back into my sort of safe haven. "Night Kyu, oh and don't do anything funny in the middle of the night!" I yelled at her as she walked out of my room.

"I won't…maybe." She replied slyly as the door shut, and I drifted off into my new reality.


	2. The Artist and the Teacher

**First a thank you to Cypher DS, who inspired me by reviewing, and you three who followed and Favorited.**

 **Second, To answer some of Cypher DS's questions. 1. No, Orpheus isn't going to become gender-bent. 2. I have no idea what the bracelet will do, but i have some ideas. I want this go go either in two ways. One, two words. Monster Girls. Two, reverse cross overs. (the character come to our world instead of vice versa.)**

 **Let the stupid commence.**

* * *

From the, interesting yea that's a good word for it, night I awoke, listening to the early morning birds sing outside my window. I yawned as I stretched out all of the kinks in my back. Rubbing the chain around my wrist, I shambled over to my dresser, putting on my usual outfit of a plain t-shirt with a faded out graphic design on it, grey jeans, black sneakers, and a stylish hoodie with the logo of the rock band The Contortionist on it.

Continuing my morning routine, I noticed Kyu sprawled out on my couch. One hand on her stomach and the other down her pants. Sighing, still pretty freaked out that she's decided to stay here, I strode over to her and rubbed her shoulder. "Hey, Kyu. Wake up, ya lazy freeloader." She groaned, mumbled something to herself and slapped my hand off of her. Rolling my eyes, I pushed her off of my couch. And when she hit the floor, I swear I heard a coconut hitting a baseball bat.

She clamored back onto the couch, "What the hell was that for?!" Taking a good long look at her, I start to giggle. Kyu's hair is a damn mess. Her hair is let down; strands are poking out everywhere. Honestly, she looks like a different person.

Cutting though my giggle fit, "You slapped me. It's payback." In payment I get a glare. I put my hands up in defeat. "OK, geez. I'm sorry."

Kyu pouted a bit, "Fine…" and as if a switch in her head was flipped, "In return for me forgiving you. You're going to take me out to breakfast." I rub my forehead.

"Maybe, I think I have enough for that. I know a pretty nice coffee shop in town. Get your crap together and we'll go." I say flicking my hand at her as I walked into my art studio.

Walking in my nostrils were hit with the strong scents of acrylic paint, sweat, and pizza. Lots and lots of pizza. Turning on my computer saw the three-fourths complete project. It was a girl laying in the grass staring into the moonlight. I've got the shading of the girl down, but the night sky always seemed off in one way or another. It was either the color or the placement of the stars.

Absentmindedly I opened a new project, and started doodling. It was just a couple of sketches but two of them I might turn into a project. The first one was of Saber, from Fate. And the other was a completely original concept. I was shocked when I finally realized what I drew. It was Kyu from last night. Sitting on my bed, looking ethereal as she looked slyly at me. Scaring the crap out of me, two hands grasped my shoulders.

"Hey! Is that me?" Kyu's voice resounded from behind me. My eyes widened at her sudden action.

"Uhhh...no. Maybe… Yea." I slumped in defeat. Kyu pressed herself against my back, pushing her, larger than they apparently are, breasts on my back to peek at my work.

"This is really good. Like, really really good." Wow, not the comment that I expected from her. I thought she'd say something snarky about it.

"Thanks, I guess. It's just a sketch though." I say, shrugging and spinning around in my chair. When I turn around, I'm caught by surprise. Instead of fairy Kyu I met last night, I was met with the Kyu I met at the bar. I blush when I notice how close my face is to hers.

I cough, "Soo, to get to that place I know, we have to pass through a college campus."

Kyu's face brightened like a light bulb, "That's great! We can start the love quest there! Also, if you manage to get a girl's number I'll tell you what that bracelet does." Knew it. A bargaining chip. I play along Kyu. I'll take the bait this time. Grabbing my coat off my chair, and walking past Kyu. I started our little quest to get laid. Oh, yea and breakfast.

It was nice out. A cool breeze coerced my ponytail into tickling my neck. I rolled my eyes as Kyu told another bad sex joke. As we approached a small park near the collage we were trying to pass though, Kyu pulled on my hood nearly pulling the entire thing off in the process. I spun around grabbing the red mark around my neck, "The hell was that for!?"

Kyu pointed over to the railing on our right, near a grove of trees. For a moment I thought I saw drool coming out of her mouth. "Dude, Bro. Asian Chicks, don't even get me started. I have, like, the worst case of yellow fever ever. Ever. Like a yellow plague." What the fuck. Spinning around I looked over to what the hell she was fawning over.

And when I saw who she was talking about, I could see why she like this person so much. Like, a lot. She had black hair that rested on her shoulders. She pulled it up into above her head. A white hairclip kept it out of her stunning gray eyes, hidden by circular red glasses. I blushed as I looked below her, pretty, head I found a really sexy body. She wore a loose black neck tie over a green jacket and white crop top that hid her massive breasts. Even further down she wore super short white jean-short things that showed off her stunningly smooth thighs, and red high heels.

"Holy shit Kyu. How the fuck do you do it." Kyu smiled and shrugged.

"It is my job dummy, of course I'm good at finding sexy guys and gals." She patted my back. "So to thank me for pointing her out, go approach her and get her number."

My eyes widened and I waved my arms dismissively, "Oh, no. I can't do that. I'm an artist not a sex god, remember? First off, what the hell do I even say to her?" Kyu laughs at me and wraps her arm around my shoulders.

"So this is what your gonna do. She looks like she's a bit pissed off, so say something stupid to cheer her up. The stupider the better. After that, don't piss her off and be charming. Act like you did last night and you'll be…alright I guess. Just remember to get her number." She unrevealed herself from me and pushed me in the sexy woman's direction.

I took a big breath, trying to calm my nerves. Not that it did in any way, but it was worth a dang shot. I looked around trying to find something to make fun of. All I found were myself, her, Kyu, trees, and fucking birds. Birds. Fuck it, Let's try that.

I walked up to her and spouted the greatest pick up line in the history of man. "Fuck these birds. Am I right?" She turned, laughing pretty hard surprisingly.

"Noo, I like the birds." She replied with her very sultry sounding voice. I smiled, laughing nervously.

"No, but, for real, how's it going? You look like your having a pretty shitty day." I try starting a somewhat normal conversation.

"Ahh, no I'm good. I'm just trying to relax; get some downtime between classes." She said, waving her hand in my direction. "I teach up at U.O.G. You know the place right?" I nod.

"Yea, for some weird reason it's the only university in the area. I think I helped teach a digital arts class there once." Pulling a distant memory out of my ass.

She looked surprised, "You teach?" I waved her off.

"Oh, no. I'm just an independent artist. They invited me to teach how to do character design. But I do have total respect for people who do, students are complete assholes."

She smiled, readjusting herself to be closer to me. "Thanks, not many people would say that." I fought a blush. Alright Orpheus, go in for the flirt. You've got her attention.

"So, you going for the sexy teacher angle or something?" She blushed for a second, and laughed more.

"I really don't know about that. But, I do have some students that might agree with you." She smiled and pushed me playfully. "Thanks for coming over here, I needed a good laugh." She put her hand in her pocket, fishing for something, "My students call my Ms. Yumi but You," she grabbed my hand, putting something in it, and pulled me a bit closer to her. "Can call me Aiko." I blinked a couple of times, and looked at what she put in my palm. Her phone number. Her Fucking Number. I did it.

Trying to not squeal like a girl I say, "I'm Orpheus, its just my job as a starving artist to joke with people who are as miserable as myself." She giggled once more, pushing my shoulder playfully.

"Hey! It's not that bad!" she said though her giggle fit. I smiled as she continued to laugh at my bad jokes. "You draw?"

I was a bit taken aback at her sudden question, "Uhh, yea. I'm pretty good. I think." I say pulling out my phone, and grabbing copy of a work of mine from my website. "Here, this is the kind of stuff I draw."

Her eyes widened as she took my phone from me. "Holy crap, this is really good. You do this as your living?"

"Yea, I do commissions and I used to work for something called a 'circle' which helped, well in till they fired me, that is." I say shrugging as she passed my phone back.

Aiko looked at me with a glint of worry in her eyes. "Your out of work?"

"Not really, got commissions for people. That'll sustain me for a bit." She sighed, checking her watch. I push off the rail I was leaning on, "Hey, Aiko. I gotta meet a friend for breakfast. I'll text you later though." She smiled, getting off the rail herself. Patting my back she walked off with a sultry wave. I sneaked a glance at her ass as she walked away, and it was totally worth it. I grinned and walked over to where Kyu was hiding, waving the slip of paper Aiko gave me. Kyu's jaw dropped to the goddamn floor.

She smiled ear to ear, "Good work, stud. You looked like a pro." She grinned as she slapped my back.

"Thanks, I guess. It just felt, I don't know, natural to talk to her." I honestly said. Kyu grinned even wider.

"I knew choosing you was a good decision. You'll be become a pussy destroyer in no time!" I laughed at her word choice.

"Pussy destroyer? Really Kyu?" sometimes I wonder what new adjectives she'll spew out of her mouth hole next. I looked at the numbers in my hand, and smiled. Aiko Yumi, huh? She seemed like a really fun person to be around, I like that she can take a joke too. Most of my friends couldn't take my jokes. So that's a plus. As Kyu and I walked to that coffee shop, I put Aiko's number in my phone. Grinning as we finally sat down in the place.


End file.
